For the Record

I've spent hours the past couple of weeks turning the posts of my first blog into a book.  It has certainly surprised me how much the girls have grown since the fall of 2007.  I also can't believe how much I would have forgotten if I hadn't written it down.  (Some things may have been best left forgotten, perhaps...)  I'm so glad I have the record, and I think it is going to be really great to have it in book form so we can all browse through.  My goal is to do 2009 by June and 2010 by September of this year and then at the end of this year, I'll do 2011.  It's going to cost me a small fortune, so spreading it out will be good.

And speaking of keeping a record of what's been going on, I should sum up our activities of the past week.

Easter weekend was nice.  We gathered with some friends to have a dinner and "Egg Fight" on Saturday night.  I'm not sure if the girls had more fun with the activities, or spending time with all of the babies that were present.  They all love to hold babies and followed the moms around, hoping to snag a baby.  (No pictures--I was there, but only just barely.  While I participated a bit, and ate some, I spent half of the time lying on the couch with my trusty ice pack.) :(

Sunday the girls and King went to church.  I spent the morning sleeping so we were able to have a family over for our traditional Easter Passover-ish dinner.  The girls always love to eat on the floor and fill up on boiled eggs and olives.  Then the kids played games and the adults chatted until the adults were finally convinced to play a few games.  It was a nice time. 

This week, we've had rain and more rain.  (Actually, that kind of sums up our month.)  But, somehow, the clouds cleared enough for us to go to a track meet.  This was Snow White's first home meet and she did well.  Well enough that she is joining the "A-team" for an away meet today.  (Windy, 55 degrees, ominous clouds--yikes.)  She is excited and loves it.  I'm glad.

I also ought to mention that Cinderella is really jumping ahead on her piano recently.  She is learning "Send in the Clowns" for recital and is also working on some songs from Wicked.  (She's obsessed with that show's music.)  I really want her to learn a song she could play at church, but she thinks I'm dumb when I mention it.  (Frankly, she thinks I'm dumb 90% of the time lately.)  It's nice to see her jut sit down at the piano and play for fun.  I'm hoping this continues for a while.    

All three girls brought home good mid-term report cards.  They each have a class or two they could work a little harder in, but they are doing well, and I cannot believe we only have 5 more weeks of school this year.  Where has the time gone?!  I DO NOT want this year to be over, because then I will officially have a daughter heading to high school and I really am just not old enough for that.  Yikes.

Egg Fight

Sunday Will Come

I love this Easter message from an apostle of God about the atonement of Jesus Christ.  Especially since today feels a bit like a "Friday" that he describes, because my pain was so great that it was impossible for me to get out of bed and attend church--on Easter Sunday.  But, Christ has overcome all.  ALL.  Sunday will come!  What a glorious message.  What a wonderful truth.  Happy Easter everyone!

A Change of Focus

Today was Snow White's first track meet.  She has been wanting to be on a track team since she was in first grade and her gym teacher told her she had a 'natural stride'.  She ran the 800 meter and 1600 meter races.  She did not place, but did finish first out of all the sixth grade girls.  Her (lofty?) goal was to not finish last, so she was thrilled with the performances. 

We were talking about how she loves exercising (yes, definitely she didn't get that from ME) and I asked if she missed ballet.  She didn't take ballet this year because she wanted to try track, be in the school musical, and adjust to the whole middle school routine, and it was just on a bad night.  She misses it a lot, and says she misses the workout and is disappointed in her loss of flexibility.  So I suggested that since she's got a handle on this middle school thing, maybe she could return to ballet next year.  And she gets a very serious look on her face and says,

"Well, I've been thinking about that, and I think for the next couple of years I am going to just focus more on my track career."

I just love her.  :)

Florida Is Better Than Laundry

I spent last weekend in Florida.  My dear friend N and I went to visit our bestest friend W, who moved to Orlando in the fall.  We had a lovely time.  We stayed up way too late talking, we soaked up the sun at the pool and the beach, we kissed W's baby's scrumptious cheeks, and we shopped and ate quite a bit as well.  And, I must say, it was a delightful time.  I am ready to go again.

However, I did miss my girls and my husband and it was nice to come home to them.  They even made me a 'Welcome Home' sign.  It was not so nice to realize that lying on the beach with a headache is SO much easier than understanding Cinderella's Algebra homework with a headache.  Or grocery shop with a headache.  Twice I have been to the grocery store since I got home and TWICE I left a bag behind so that the poor checker had to run after me.  Also, I did a load of laundry without putting soap in.  Sheesh.  I don't think that my body is cut out for these every day things.  Lame. (However, some of this stuff may be because my body is not cut out for vacation, and has some recovering to do!)

While I was in Florida, my cousin shared a humorous story with me.  Her husband had asked about my headaches, so they were talking about how I'm doing over dinner.  Her eight-year-old son was curious and asked what was wrong with me.  They explained that basically I've had a really bad headache for five years, and her son says, "Why?!!  Are her kids really annoying?"  So funny.  I assured her that if my kids were the problem, they'd have been gone years ago. :)  I just love the innocence and simplicity of the way a child's mind works.

Well, I'm off to tackle some (re-do) laundry.  A never-ending quest.  The girls are heading to an overnight Book of Mormon Read-a-thon tonight, and for some reason, they want to take clean pajamas.  Picky, picky.

Spring Break 2

So, French Lick, Indiana.  Home of Larry Bird.  Not that he had anything whatsoever to do with our decision to visit there, although we did pay his lovely bust a visit.  This was the main reason for choosing French Lick:

I had read about it online, we got a good deal, and the girls loved it.  What I loved was that all of the girls were old enough to hang out there together and King and I could sit in our room and read.  Pure heaven.  (We spent plenty of time there with the girls, too--but their tolerance for loud, wet, fun is a bit higher than ours(mine).) 

We were there for two days, and while there, we visited the recently restored West Baden Springs and French Lick Springs Hotels.  Wow.  Gorgeous buildings.  I think Cinderella enjoyed seeing those as much as the water park.  She took picture after picture.  She and I wanted to sit out on the porch or in the atrium and read for hours.  But, we didn't.  We swam instead.  Maybe next time. 

The hotels were built in 1901 and 1902, as health resorts, bringing in crowds to enjoy the natural sulfur springs.  They both fell into disrepair and then were restored in 2007.  Look who has stayed there:

(You'd think Larry would have stayed with his mom.)

I should include a couple of shots Cinderella took of the ceiling art in the French Lick Hotel.  Since she laid on the balcony floor to get them.  

 She honestly took SO many pictures.  And mostly of West Baden, but they somehow were erased from her camera.  But you should definitely check out the photo galleries on their website. 

It was a nice break away from the ordinary, and we had a great time!  The only thing we'd do differently next time is check the chimney top and flue before leaving.   

Spring Break

For Spring Break, we decided to take a few days and do something fun as a family.  We first headed to Louisville for a few days.  King and I visited the temple first, which is always a lovely thing to do. 

 

 We then, after much whining and complaining from the children, headed to the American Printing House for the Blind.  I thought it sounded interesting, and it was free.  The two younger girls complained the whole way there.  And then, when it was closing and it was time to leave, we couldn't get them to leave.  They loved all of the maps that were for blind students, and had a great time typing their names in braille. 

We walked down the street to this little dessert cafe and had some delicious cake.  Yum. 

 Then it was time for the Louisville Science Center.  I figured we'd spend about an hour here.  Three and a half hours later, the girls were still having a great time.  My favorite exhibit was the Amazing Beginnings, which had eight human embryos.  Amazing is right. 

 Across the street, we took the opportunity for a photo-op with the famous Louisville Slugger bat.  (But some of us don't know that when you take an opportunity for a photo-op, you should open your eyes and smile.  Argh.)

 There were these horses everywhere, and the girls had to have some pictures.  (I'll spare you the hundreds and include only two.)

 Then it was off to the 21c Hotel/art museum, famous for their red penguins.

 I think these next two pictures show the girls' favorite art there. 

We had dinner, and watched the BYU/Florida game (exciting win) and a late bedtime.  The next day, we attended church, played games, watched movies and hung out.  Then, we headed to French Lick, Indiana.  (I know, you're asking, 'why?', right?  Well, you'll see.  Tune in next time...)

Weekend

What am I doing this weekend?  Mostly this:  Watching Conference.

Why?  Well, lots of reasons.  Here are a few, on this video.

I love it.  It is a time of spiritual refreshment, testimony renewal, and recommitting to live up to the covenants I have made to follow Jesus Christ.

The Difference a Year Makes?

So, I've been thinking (a dangerous past time, I know.)  A year ago, I was getting ready to fly to Minnesota to go to the Mayo Clinic, where I would consult with doctors and determine the cause of my headaches.  First, I cannot believe it was a year ago.  Second, I cannot believe I feel essentially the same as I did then.

I have been off of the medication the neurologist at the Mayo Clinic suggested I try for about 5 weeks now.  After being on it nearly ten months, I had determined that it just wasn't working.  I do think that it decreased the pain by about 5 percent or so, but when all is said and done, that tiny amount of "relief" it was giving me did absolutely nothing for me.  When the days were bad, I still had to go to bed.  When the days were medium, I still had to try to function with an ice pick in my head.  When the days were good, I still had to operate with a lingering headache in the background.  It's just that it hurt a teeny bit less.  And the side effects just weren't worth it any more.  I was going through life feeling as if I had to drag myself through wet cement.  I was exhausted.  Not to mention the three times a night I had to get up to use the bathroom. (And that's not just cuz I'm old, Emily.) ;)

I decided I'd be better off without the medication.  It was a good decision.  I still am tired all of the time--a side effect of chronic pain.  But, it feels more like moving through mud or pudding than the hardening cement of medicated life.  And it's nice to not get as dizzy when I stand up.  Sure, my head hurts a tiny bit more, but not much.  And my lifestyle hasn't changed a bit since stopping.  (I'm still pathetic, just like I was before.)

So, what now?  Well, nothing.  There is no cure for my chronic condition, which is not caused by anything other than the condition I have, namely Chronic Daily Migraine.  To be diagnosed with true primary Chronic Daily Headache or Migraine, there must be no underlying cause, which is true in my case.  As it says on the Mayo Clinic website,

"The causes of many chronic daily headaches aren't well understood. True (primary) chronic daily headaches don't have an identifiable underlying cause. They may occur if:

• You develop a heightened response to pain signals
• The part of your brain that suppresses pain signals isn't working properly."

It's my brain.  It's how I am wired.  Lucky me.  And I think I can safely say that I have reached the point where I have exhausted my resources in trying to prevent the headache.  As the website puts it,

"Unfortunately, some chronic daily headaches remain resistant to all medications." 

So, now my focus has got to be on just living with the headaches.  (I should say headache--it never stops, so it technically is just one headache.  And I think it's been around long enough that it has earned a capital H, don't you?  Headache.)  Fortunately, there are things that can help the Headache.  I have some pain medication that sometimes helps (not very much today).  Ice packs, dark rooms, quiet, anti-nausea pills, massage, muscle relaxants, caffeine and my painkiller sometimes help.  Avoiding stress, being overheated, and strong perfumes can be beneficial.  Occasionally decongestants help.  The best thing I do to deal with the Headache is pray my guts out and change my expectations.
I have to expect less out of my day.  Expect to accomplish less than those long-ago pre-headache days, and learn to budget my time and energy.  I think I'm getting better at this all of the time, but, frankly, it kind of stinks. 

Imagine that I have a handful of tokens I cash in for my energy or time out of bed for each day--say, seven.  Well, some days, just getting out of bed and showering can use three or four.  Sometimes less.  But always at least one.  I must carefully weigh my options in "spending" these tokens.  Should I skip the shower and make-up so I can clean the shower?  Should I do the grocery shopping or cook dinner?  Can I meet someone for lunch and still have enough left in me to stop at Target on the way home and get dinner on the table?  Probably not if I shower.  Should I go jogging and use them all in thirty minutes?  (This never wins.)  And all this I decide in the morning when I am generally feeling my best.

If I overspend too early, I'm out of tokens and in bed before the girls are even home from school.  If I underspend, I have a higher chance of quality evening time, but I may spend too much time stressing about the things that I "should" be doing, which actually can deplete tokens as well, or at least contribute to the Headache.  Sometimes I can conserve tokens by having a power nap with my ice pack in the middle of the day.  (I think sometimes I fantasize about naps with ice packs like a pre-teen girl fantasizes about meeting Justin Beiber and his hair.)  I never know how I will feel from one day to the next, and sometimes even one hour to the next, so even carefully planned token spending can go awry.

If I want to do something like go to an evening polka dance, I must be careful about how many tokens I use that day.  Occasionally, I can borrow tokens from the next day, but I generally have to pay them back with a hefty interest--usually I'll have a horrid headache the next day and will probably spend the majority of the day in bed.  Also occasionally, I can count on adrenaline and my nifty "bag of tricks" (read: medications) to sustain a semblance of normalcy for a short amount of days.  But, again, I must usually repay these times with days spent in bed using all of my tokens to just wander to the kitchen for sustenance and a fresh ice pack, making a pit stop in the bathroom on my stumble back to bed.

The good news is I have a really comfy bed.  I have discovered a good ice pack that molds to my head and stays cold a long while. I have a fan in my room that blocks out noise from the outside.  And unlike some people that have Chronic Daily Migraine, I can usually read unless I am very, very miserable.  And most of the time looking at the computer doesn't bother me too much.  It's the pesky little things like thinking and retaining thoughts that are the hindrance to enjoyable reading while mildly miserable.  Which might account for the strange habit I have of checking books out at the library, reading them halfway through, and then coming to the strange realization that I may have actually read the book once before.  (Or twice--who knows?!)  

So, the game plan for now is living with a chronic illness.  Lots of people do it, and many do it well.  That's my plan.  Just because I have only a very few "tokens" of energy compared to many others, doesn't mean I can't be a positive, cheerful person.  It doesn't mean I can't accomplish anything, it means I will accomplish different things.  And, I am sure that there are still many who will wonder why they haven't figured out what is causing my Headache (they did: Chronic Daily Headache), and wonder why I don't do anything to try to get rid of them (I have: name a medication, I've probably taken it) (I do: see six or so paragraphs above) or even wonder why just a headache makes me unable to function the way they do (chances are they've never had a headache, and certainly not a Headache that has been non-stop for five years).  But, that's okay.  I know this is what I need to be doing right now. (In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:6)

Where does this put me compared to last year at this time?  Well, I feel the same as far as the Headache goes, but I am a bit better at dealing with the pain.  Or at least managing my time and energy despite the pain.  I'm not perfect at it, and certainly many of you have seen me more than once not being cheerful and positive. But, I'm getting better.  I feel miserable most of the time, but I can (most of the time) feel at peace with that.   I certainly have many friends and family members that encourage me and lift me up.  We have generous people that bring us meals.  We have kind people that offer relief in many other ways.  And a God that offers comfort, guidance, peace and assurance.  What more could I need?

Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you. 2 Cor. 13:11

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philipians 4:13

  

Once On This Island

(This must be a record (at least of late)--blogging again after only three days.  I suppose insomnia has its perks.) :)

So, how about some musical fun?  We had a great time with Grandma B here to visit in mid-March.  She came mostly to see the girls perform in their musical, Once On This Island.  The girls think it is so fun to have someone in the audience besides Mom and Dad.  We also had some ward friends come see the play, which made their night. (The girls' night, not the ward friends' night--it was a great show, but this is middle school, after all.) ;)

I took some video at dress rehearsal, but then I found out because of copyright laws that I shouldn't have.  Whoops.  But now, somehow, I cannot find the videos on my camera or computer, so it looks like I obeyed the law after all.  Which is a little too bad because it would have been fun for you to see at least one song and dance.  Oh well. 


(These pictures really aren't great--I was sitting too far back and couldn't use a flash.  Plus, I have no idea how to use the settings on this camera.  But, you get the general idea.)

They're acting disappointed, is it working?

Celebrating the story in the finale song

Can you hear?

With their director

With Grandma

All three girls did a great job with their singing and dancing.  We are proud of all of their hard work! 

Besides the show, Grandma got to go to the after-show cast party with us, and we also went to church, did some shopping, went out to eat, and took her to the airport.  It was a fun visit, even though it was short.