One of my favorite times to be snotty was during Family Home Evenings. I may not have always voiced my displeasure, but I could kill with my looks of annoyance and boredom, or thought I could. But, despite my horrible attitude and contempt, I really did enjoy spending time with family and have warm thoughts when I think of the lessons and games we participated in. Why must teenagers always pretend they are being tortured when they actually (mostly) enjoy the activity?
As an adult, I love Family Home Evening. We have a great time together learning gospel principles and just having fun. King and I are prayerful about what topics to discuss and about what we can best do to instill in our girls a love for family, their Heavenly Father, the gift of the Atonement and the Gospel of Jesus Christ in their lives. We know it is important and know that our family will be blessed because of it.
"...Regular participation in family home evening will develop increased personal worth, family unity, love for our fellow men, and trust in our Father in heaven."
(Family Home Evening, 1976 — Spencer W. Kimball, N. Eldon Tanner, and Marion G. Romney
(Family Home Evening, 1976 — Spencer W. Kimball, N. Eldon Tanner, and Marion G. Romney
Enter our Family Home Evening on Monday night---
It was a fantastic failure. Magnificent mess. Stupendous sinking ship. All three girls showed up with their best teenage attitudes (and by best, I mean that any one of them could have killed a large buffalo or small dragon with one piercing look). We attempted to begin with a song, like we always do. And, being girls who just hate to sing (despite choir, honors choir, special statewide choir, after-school choir and musicals on their resumes); this was their undoing. How could we expect such a thing? All the songs we could ever sing are stupid and boring. They were NOT doing it. What was so special about singing dumb church songs anyway?
Which was incredibly ironic, since the topic chosen for the evening's discussion was "the importance of music in gospel learning". Funny, huh?
To say it ended badly is an understatement. We all, including me, went to bed early. No one got anything out of it, and, honestly, I gave up trying. But, lucky for the girls and me, we will address the same topic next week, or the one after that, or until we get it right. Or at least make a fair attempt at discussing and understanding.
This whole week, I am rereading this thought until I either memorize it or have it burned into the back of my eyelids:
"We call upon parents to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles which will keep them close to the Church. The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given responsibility. We counsel parents and children to give highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study and instruction, and wholesome family activities."
(First Presidency letter, 11 February 1999 — Gordon B. Hinckley, Thomas S. Monson, and James E. Faust)
(First Presidency letter, 11 February 1999 — Gordon B. Hinckley, Thomas S. Monson, and James E. Faust)
It is important. It is worth it. It is my (and King's) divine responsibility and pleasure to be my girls' most dedicated teacher of the gospel. And we will have Family Home Evening every week, even if it kills us.
Please, tell me, you wise parents of teenagers, (or those who lived through it), what in the world am I going to do to survive the next 4-6 years? I must know your secrets.
Your post reminded me of a quote I just read by Elder Bednar last conference. After describing a FHE similar to the one you mentioned he said,
ReplyDelete"Today if you could ask our adult sons what they remember about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. They likely would not identify a particular prayer or a specific instance of scripture study or an especially meaningful family home evening lesson as the defining moment in their spiritual development. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent.
Sister Bednar and I thought helping our sons understand the content of a particular lesson or a specific scripture was the ultimate outcome. But such a result does not occur each time we study or pray or learn together. The consistency of our intent and work was perhaps the greatest lesson—a lesson we did not fully appreciate at the time." You can read the full talk here.
So sometimes it is just doing it despite the kids' attitudes. I also hear earplugs (for you) and/or duct tape (for their mouths) work wonders.
Let them teach the lesson? And do everything? Even pick an activity they like? I don't know, really. You're smarter than me-- I bet you'll come up with something good. Maybe when things go sour in the future, just acknowledge it and sincerely express your love for them and share your testimony. If they walk away with that, it's probably been successful.
ReplyDeleteMan, I remember being quite the brat as well. You could invite a young women's leader or friend to join you at FHE. They might behave a little differently when someone they respect is there. I will admit, I would rather plan FHE for the 60 20-30 year olds than preteens. Good thing since I have to do it every week. :)
ReplyDeleteI was talking to a seminary teacher a few weeks back. The conclusion to which we came is that seminary is less what you learn and more how you feel. I would say the same for family home evening. My children, though, would likely not say that "family home weeding" made them feel very good, but they can garden with the best of them.
ReplyDeleteI think God made teenagers so snotty so the parents will smile as they leave the nest rather than hold on so tightly. It didn't work so well with me and my children, since I cried as they all left. You will, too.
All I know is that we did NOT have FHE and it is one of the biggest regrets of my life. We don't have that weekly time, whether great or horrible, to look back on with fond memories and I can't claim the promises made surrounding FHE. So don't give up, don't give in, hang in there and you will reap the blessings. I truly believe it. By the way, those girls can SING! I loved hearing them today.
ReplyDeleteThe last month or so David has skipped his YSA FHE so he can be at home to enjoy being with the family before he goes....If you would have asked me a couple of years ago if my children would choose our family night over another activity I would have bet against it, I would have been wrong....
ReplyDelete