Incognito

--adjective
1. having one's identity concealed, as under an assumed name, esp. to avoid formal attentions.

Sometimes I wish I were a little more incognito. Sure, there are a handful of you that have no idea what my real name is. But, most of you know me. And, sometimes, I wish you didn't.

...That came out wrong. I am very glad I know you. It is an honor to know you and to be your friend. In fact, you must be pretty special if I directed you to this place where I write my deep, dark secrets (oooooh, creepy). Unless, of course, you just found me through someone else's blog, in which case you really are not invited, so why are you here? (I'm kidding, of course. You are welcome to stay.)

But, what I really mean is that sometimes it might be nice if I had not told anyone in my family that I keep this blog. Then I could write what I really think about my family without anyone knowing or caring. Maybe things like: when I grow up I want to be able to play the piano like my brother-in-law(not you, Mike) or love to cook like my aunt Denise (yes, you , Denise). And no one would care. But, now, since I typed that and I know that Mike can read this blog, and Denise does read this blog, I worry that Mike will be offended that I don't want to play like him (mostly because he can't play the piano), and that Denise might be offended that I didn't expound on the abundance of her cooking skills and delicious dishes, or that maybe any other aunt of mine will wonder why I did not mention her delicious pasta salad or hot dog casserole recipe. And then it just seems easier to leave family out of it. Which is hard, because they are all a part of me.

Then other times, I wish that I did not tell anyone that I ever have daily or weekly contact with that I have this blog. Because then I could tell you all about the time that I went to church and felt so lousy that I did not want to talk to anyone and this is the day that everyone decided to talk to me. And, why can't people just leave me alone? (I don't think this really happened. But it could have. Maybe it did. Probably not.) But then, I now think that everyone who read that will second guess themselves when they go to talk to me at church next time, because, what if I am as grouchy as I was that week last month (if that ever happened) and I just want them to leave me alone instead of talk to me or even look at me? (I won't be. So, don't worry. Just go about your normal church business.) But, now they wonder. See?

So, I sometimes wish I was anonymous to all. Incognito. Invisible. In disguise. But then, I would have about one blog reader. (Which may not be so bad if I write posts like this, right?)